Friday, February 4, 2011

I Can't Breathe

This morning my oldest son decides he hates trying out these contacts. He wants his glasses and where are they? It's been three weeks and we haven't gotten them yet. There is no time. I feel like a bad mom.

My youngest son has some eye issue going on for two months now. It just won't clear up. He woke up this morning with the same red eye after I thought it was finally gone. I called the eye Dr. and he gives me new drops. This is the 4th one.

One phone call this afternoon. That's all it takes for the fear to rise. I'm in the middle of the grocery store and she tells me she's the nurse from the high school. Dallas has collapsed at school. She got dizzy and down she went. Had to have help to get to the nurse and she asks if she is hypoglycemic. I tell her no but that she has Celiac Disease and it can cause all sorts of problems. She asks if she can give Dallas ibuprofen for her headache as she hit her head on a chair and has two big bumps. I talk to Dallas and she says is fine now. Had I known all the story then I'd have picked her up from school and taken her to the Dr. immediately. More blood tests, more needles. She is prepared.

I'm taking the meat off of a chicken and give the wishbone to my 5 year old to do with his brother, he drops it on the floor and the dog gets it. I try but can't get it from the dog and he swallows it whole. I call the vet and he tells me what to do and what to watch for.

And I think again about Dallas. And it's this. All that I can think about. Fear grips me tight like a noose around my neck. I can't breathe. I go outside and I suck in the cold air deep. Breathe. I am not in control. I am not in control.

Then I hear the melody of a birds song. What used to be background noise is now music to my ears. And it reminds me...

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? - Matthew 6:26-27

God is in control. Easy to say. Sometimes so hard to believe.

1 comment:

bekah said...

I am sooo sorry, all I can say is it's tuff being a mom. It's the greatest gift God has given us and at the same time the hardest most challenging one. You are NOT a bad mom, bad mom's addict their children to drugs alcohol. Do NOT spend time with their children or most important don't tell them about the one who created them who loves them more than anybody in the world. That is a bad mom. That is NOT you.
I will be praying for all of you and love all of you very much. You are soooo right, God is in control. Only he can see the BIGGER picture. LOVE YOU :) Keep your head up:)