Friday, May 27, 2011

Last Day

Woke up this morning, the last day of school here, thinking back to this moment...

The first day of Dallas' freshman year. My, the places it has taken me! Places I never dreamed. I keep thinking about how quickly time is passing by and that this seems like just yesterday. Where did it all go wrong? And as her school year in Colorado winds down on Tuesday all I'm doin' now...praying to God she is bored stiff at her dad's.  :)

Monday, May 23, 2011

It's only one day

I'm sitting here thinking to myself it's only one day. May 23rd, my daughter's 15th birthday.

It was no fun when we went shopping for her. I had a lady working at AE come up to me and ask what I was looking for. Nothing in particular was my response but she kept prodding till I finally told her a gift for my daughter who's turning 15. To make a long story short that is when the experience went down hill.

What I wanted to tell the lady is this, " Could you please just leave me alone. My girl no longer lives with us. She lives with someone who didn't raise her. Someone who has missed birthdays without calling, months with out calling, and many times not even a card was sent. So honestly lady, it would do me good if you'd get out of my face and go help someone who wants it." But I didn't say it. I bit my tongue. No reason to ruin her day.

What was going through my mind was all that I'll miss at this age. Like teaching her to drive and handing over the keys to her first car. Her first date. Helping her get her first job. Taking her to pick out a dress for the school dance. And her friends...I'm missing them too. Her graduation isn't far off with time moving so fast.

Sometimes I even wonder if I'll get to help pick out her wedding dress, though I know that one is a long way off. But most of the time I wonder why God would choose to give us this girl to raise and then at the most crucial time take her away and hand her over to someone who didn't do all the work. I know there is a reason.

It's your birthday and I have to keep telling myself, "It's only one day, just one day in this life on earth. It's just one day." And I thank God that his mercies are new every morning. And I thank God that someday I'll be singing his praises forever. FOREVER. And today is just one day.

I love you Dallas, my first true love. I miss you. Happy 15th birthday.

Pause music to the right first.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A Bud

Neighbors who think I'm worth it deliver this to me. It makes me smile and brightens my day.

But it's this that speaks loud to my heart.

One little flower beginning to burst open in color and I think yes, beauty waits to come alive at just the right time. Somewhere underneath all the mess and darkness, all the tears and pain, beauty does exist. And God's
perfect timing will bring it forth.

My frame was not hidden from you
 when I was made in that secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
 were written in your book
 before one of them came to be.
                       Psalm 139:15-16

God knows the struggle that has come your way and he puts your tears in a bottle and he promises to make all things beautiful.(ECC. 3:11)

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Fear Not

I'm amazed a what fear can do to a life. Chokes it out, flames gone, and only smoke rises in the cosmos. And that smoke will disperse too leaving nothing behind. Nothing. Fear flat out turns life into death. There's no hope, no stirring of the soul with fear. And that same fear leads to a life of little opportunity. There is no faith in fear.

That's where I was for a long while...till the day I decided to just say YES! And I'm equally amazed at what one yes can do to a life. Turns it right around. The grass is greener the sky is bluer it's like falling in love. A life can bud right open with one small yes.

Sometimes it's taking that first step, that one yes I'm gonna step out and in, to break that soul wide. Man does it feel good. I suck that air down deep when I'm living the yes. Oh how I know it's that first yes that thrashes and rips at the heart. It's the wrestle you think will do you in. But remember there is someone on your side...

For I am the Lord, your God,
  who takes hold of your right hand,
and says to you, Do not fear;
   I will help you
                       ~ Isaiah 41:13
There is freedom in the yes!

Are you in fear today? of anything? Is it holding you back from saying yes? I challenge you today to take that step of faith, in that one word yes, and believe the doors will be opened for you. Just do it. Just say yes, let the struggle be over, and opportunity will knock on your door.

Heavenly Father, I just pray today for those struggling with yes. That you might crack that door of their heart open just enough for them to see some light. When they say yes Lord, bust down that door and let opportunities fly their way. I know first had how powerful you are God and I'm asking you to show it the lives of those who say yes today. In Jesus' name and all according to your will, Amen.

* If you are reading this today and have decided to say yes, to something big or small, please come back and share it with me. I am praying for you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Practice Makes Perfect

He walks around the dim room searching, looking for warmth of sun. Just a beam of light from the window falls on the floor, but he seeks it out and finds it. Never fails. Dog does it every time. How is it a K-9 can figure out how to find comfort when needed but this simple minded human seems to always forget.

The unfolding of your words gives light;
it gives understanding to the simple.
~ Psalm 119:130

That dog does it over and over again. Why not me?

I've spent the last few years struggling with one problem after another. I'd seek out the Son for a little while trying to find peace or comfort, but when things didn't happen quickly I'd move on. A woman of no patience I am. So I'd sit in my struggles day after day and before I knew it, sitting there was what I did best.

Practices makes perfect, right?

I've come to the conclusion I need to form a habit much like the dog. If I want something I have to go find it, time after time I'll have to get up and go seek out the Son till it becomes my first reaction.

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.- Matthew 7:7-8 

Keep knocking on the door. Keep seeking out the Son. Keep asking God...and you will find your way. Just don't give up! Be persistent and soon you will not forget where to go. It'll be old habit. Practice makes perfect. Over and over. Time after time.

Heavenly Father, I pray today that I continue to seek you in all circumstances. Help me to not give up when I want to be impatient and help me to keep pushing through. Lord, I know if I could only see the number of times I gave up just before the finish line I would be more diligent to continue to seek you always. Let me look you full in the face. I thank you so much that you were, are, and always will be the same. I am so glad you never change. In Jesus' name and all according to your will, Amen.