Tuesday, June 21, 2011

It is Time

Dear Dallas,
I hope that somehow your eyes feast upon these lines and that you read them over and over and over. This is my heart. I've spent days wondering why things happened as they have questioning God, "Why us?"

I'm not asking him that anymore. I'm letting my mind lead the rest of me now.

I pull out my journal from years back and this is what I read. "I am so excited. We just found out that Dallas asked Jesus into her heart at Awana's last Wed. January 16, 2002. What a great day! Thank you Lord- You are so awesome. Lord, I ask that you might keep at Dallas' heart as she grows so that you might grow in her. She needs to know that she is saved. I pray that she will always listen and obey you. Lord you are mighty and you never cease to amaze me. It is so wonderful to know there is a God and to have a relationship with you. I have faith in you Lord that you can do wonderous miracles. God you are so awesome. My daughter's life has been saved by Jesus. How wonderful are your works! Make me whole in your love. I want nothing more than to know you. I can't seem to express my feelings. It seems no matter what I write or say, it's just not enough. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! It's so great to know my daughter will be with you in heaven."

There is no doubt of that in my mind. In fact, 4 or 5 years later, God used you to lead your oldest brother to the Lord. We were sitting on the couch, just the three of us and you started talking to Justin about Jesus and how he died on the cross so that he would be forgiven of all he had done wrong. I jumped in with you and the next thing you know, Justin will be in heaven with us someday too. I can never thank you enough for starting that conversation, as your brother may have not done it at any other time. Do you have any idea how awesome that is? God used you to get someone else to heaven! What a priviledge. You were always so bold about your faith when you were younger. You even got the neighbors praying before their meals, and at school you would pray at the table before lunch where people would join you. Such great boldness!

So right now here in this time we are in, this is how my mind is leading...

You went from our house, a place where God is known, to a place where God is not known. Your Dad has not asked Jesus into his heart. Let me boldly say this to you Dallas, we both know the ONLY way to heaven is to believe that Jesus died on the cross as payment for your sin and that he rose on the third day to prepare a place for those who believe. You might just be the only love of Jesus they see. It is time to get to work my love. It is time to reach deep and find that boldness again. Speak to them about the love of Jesus. Ask them to take you to church. It is time...this may be the only chance to have your dad in heaven with you someday. Right now, nothing else matters but this. It's the least I can do to share you for such a great task. God has plans and they never fail. Please find that voice soon, get the job done so you can come home where you belong. I will pray everyday that you are strong and you find your boldness so your dad and his family have a chance to know the Lord.

You are special. You are chosen.

All my love always,

Thursday, June 9, 2011

He will not delay

A couple of nights ago I spent hours listening to the whirl of the ceiling fan and I cried. Just broken. I started thinking of my girl riding her little motorized 4 wheeler in the backyard with her blonde bouncing curls so many years ago, big smile on her face. And the time her dad (the one that raised her) took the training wheels off her bike and taught her to ride it without them. A lifetime of memories flooded my mind. And as the pillow soaked up my tears I prayed for her and begged God to make me whole again.

The next day the boys and I were running errands, me with my headache from a night of crying and still in a somber mood. That's when God got my attention, just to say "don't forget who I am and what I can do."

We were driving along listening to KLOVE. This song was playing... go ahead and start listening to it if you'd like but you may have to pause the music to the right first.

So we're driving along at 45 mph when a bird starts flying next to my window for a few seconds and then lands on it. He just sits there at 45 mph till we get to our destination where I am able to stop and snap a picture on my camera phone. I'm telling you that bird sat there for 4 blocks staring me right in the eye everytime I looked at it. And this came to mind instantly

Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies?
Yet not one of them is forgotten by God.
Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered.
Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Luke 12:6-7

And reading this this morning just drove it all home. Something my heart knows full well but my mind forgets...

..."there is nothing you can want, there is nothing you can ask for,

there is nothing you can need in time or in eternity,

there is nothing living, nothing dying,

there is nothing in this world, nothing in the next world,

there is nothing now, nothing at the resurrection-morning,

nothing in heaven

which is not contained in this text —

“I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

~Charles Spurgeon

My God did not delay.

Monday, June 6, 2011

The days of glory

These are the glory days. That's what I thought last weekend on the way to Justin's baseball tournament. The sun was dawning as we were coming into downtown Kansas City that morning. The word glory came to mind. I knew right then those boys were gonna win the whole thing. These are the glory days.

They had gone undefeated playing 7 games. I wish you could've been there that day to see the face of every boy. The jumping and whooping, all the hollering. It was a beautiful moment. These are the glory days. That's what my mind keeps thinking.

So they win one of the biggest tournaments there is and the coaches give them a week off. NO BASEBALL! Except for the team trip to watch the Royals play. All the boys sat in the row in front of me. Smiles on their faces, eating nachos, and dancing like crazy just to get on the jumbo tron and they did, several times. And all I could think of while sitting there watching these crazy boys was these are the glory days. Ahhhh to go back and be young again...