Monday, February 14, 2011

Chapter 3: One Thousand Gifts

"Just naming it...Just naming it. When you don't have the name for something, you're haunted by shadows. It ages you." (pg.52)

For almost a year here recently I lived that. The not knowing, the unnamed. Blood test after blood test. Bone density tests, holter monitor's and EKG's. Endocrinologists who say every thing's fine here. NO NAME. It ages me.

This is my baby we're talking about here. I wanted the mystery solved so I didn't have to live in the shadows anymore. Finally, a gastroenteroligist names it. Celiac Disease. An autoimmune disease that destroys the intestines if gluten (wheat, barley, or rye) is ingested.  We have a name, we research it, and we know what to do and we move on.

It aged me.

Here I am again not even a year later looking to solve another mystery. Needing another name for something else that has gone wrong with my girl. More needles and more tests. No name yet...(since I wrote this the Dr. called and she was dehydrated and low on potassium. That's why she collapsed at school) Praise the Lord for that. I thought she was going to be diabetic on top of the Celiac. God is good...all the time.

All of that just to say, "I totally get how giving a name to something allows you to see it for what it is."

And like you, I have been in plenty and I have been in want. If I am to be totally honest with you, right now I am in want. I am fully aware that I have not given thanks in ALL circumstances. But I believe it's time. I want to learn to live fully. I want to learn to be thankful whether empty or full, in plenty or in want. (pg 47)

Something on page 61 strikes me like a blow. "Life change comes when you receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change."

I don't think I've ever done that. I feel sorry for my girl and want things to change for her...I'm not gonna lie.

But, life change comes when you receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change.

So, I have to start somewhere and maybe the not asking for things to change will come in time. On page 57 Ann says this,"There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up."

...and if I name them I will see them for what they are. A GIFT!

The beginning of my giving thanks in all things...

                                   My SEEd list: a hunt to see God's love for me

#1...the sound of Kyle shoveling snow before the sun has risen
#2...the street light illuminating the falling snow
#3...I get to do her laundry


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