Monday, July 28, 2008

Wanting To Be More

I laid in bed this morninig crying for a boy Nick, who has brain cancer. Then , when I was done crying and praying for him, I thanked God for my healthy children. I once again became keenly aware of the type of mother I am.

I am rigid. The military sargeant type. I always want things in their place and I want my kids to mind. I don't want them to ask me questions they already know the answer to, because why waste time talking about it if you already know the answer? I like peace and quiet and order. How's that for my mom abilities? Pretty frightening, right?

We recently returned from vacation, which I hope to post some pics of soon. We had so much fun. The military mom was replaced by a mom who wanted to have fun with her kids. No worries just plain old fashioned fun!

Why can't I be like that at home? Why do I jump down my kids' throats for asking a simple question?

All I want is to play out in the rain with the kids and not care that there will be a puddle of water on the floor when we come in.

All I want is to be able to let the kids play in the house with friends and not care that the toys are everywhere. I act as if the house will never get back to its original state, even though I know it will.

All I want is to take the time to enjoy my kids while I can. But WHY is that so hard for me?

Why am I as rigid as a board?

Thank you, Lord for my healthy kids. Help me to enjoy them before it's too late! Help me to lose control. I'm tired of the anxious thoughts that roam in my head. Help me to let go. In Jesus' name, and all according to your will, Amen


Amy Wyatt said...

I'm having some of the same issues. Being a mom is hard especially when you are a perfectionist who likes order. Try adding an inside dog to the mix. It's going to be difficult. I'll be praying for you.

Christina said...

I know how you feel I am pretty much the same way. I will pray for both of us.

I tagged you for a meme if you have the time.

Carol said...

I struggle with this, too. We washed the car the other night and it created a rather large puddle on the side of the driveway. The kids were already soaked from washing the car. Colin got a running start and plopped himself right in the middle of it.

Do you know that I had to stop myself from telling him to quit? I caught myself before I said anything and asked, "Self, what is the harm in a little boy jumping in puddles outside when he is already soaking wet and it headed in for a shower anyway?" Self didn't have an answer, so Self kept quiet.

I found rain boots on sale last month. Colin remembered he had them so he ran in to get them on. Faith did the same. The next thing I know, they are both stomping with every ounce of strength in that puddle. It was the sweetest and cutest thing I've ever seen. I pulled up a chair and just watched. I wish I could always be so laid back.

Kimberly said...

Walking through our spare room the other day, I picked up a picture from when my girls were just 4, 2, and a few months old. And my heart ached. I thought of how I wished I could go back and be more loving to the precious girls in the picture. More relaxed, more fun. And yet, here I am again today...a rigid and often grumpy mom. Sigh. I will be praying with you, too. You aren't alone in this struggle, Cheri!

Love you,

Darlene said...

I remember being the same way. Andrea is now 18 and leaving for college in a couple of weeks and I look back and ask myself why I didn't let go more.
There has to be a happy medium in there somewhere...I just could never find it. I am praying you do.

ocean mommy said...

Oh boy do I have these same issues! When I cut loose and get over things being just right, I really do have more fun, feel better and my kids are usually more willing to help when it comes to clean up!

This is one area I'm constantly talking to God about. :)

Glad to hear you had a wonderful vacation! Looking forward to seeing some pictures. :)


Jenifer said...

Oh sweet Cheri. First of all let me say "Hello! It's SOOOO great to hear from you! I've missed you bunches!" Next, I'll say, "Me too, girl. Me too!"

I am a perfectionist by nature. Clutter and junk all over the place drives me insane. Lots of noise makes my head spin. Right now I'm in the middle of a de-gluttering spree. When I get caught up in having to have everything in its rightful place, desiring for there to be quiet and order, I remind myself that my kiddos are a gift from the Lord (Psalm 127:3) and that He has formed and fashioned them according to His will (Jeremiah 1:5) and my purpose in having been blessed with them is to aid in preparing them for service in God's great army.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are days when I fail miserably, but praise His name, His mercies are new every morning! I love you and am praying for you.


Peggy said...

Bless you Cheri...for praying for Nick and holding on to your own so lovingly and protectively! Enjoy them while you your vacation!

Simple and honest prayer...thanks for sharing it!

Just me...inviting YOU to a special day on this FRIDAY! C'mon over and visit me and make my day!

Ceci said...

I think this is one of the pitfalls of being Mom. I too suffer with this syndrome--but then I also am one of the few moms at my church, my husband's church, or at school who requires respect and good behavior from my children. It's not uncommon to hear, "Your children are so good." Which, considering my own mother's lack of parenting skills is about the highest compliment I can receive.

Recently, we spent 12 hours at a softball tourney for my daughter. It was 90 degrees. It was dusty and dry. But the four kids I drug along (my husband works nights and was at home sleeping) including the three month old were absolute angels all day. I was so glad.

As for the dog, as Amy way! I keep telling my kids no to a puppy. I keep trying to explain why the baby is better ROTFLOL