Day #30 has arrived...and I've learned a few things.

The eyes are the window to the soul. That's how the saying goes, right? I believe it.

I miss so many things that are right in front of me.

There is this woman who stands on the street corner. I've seen her there so many times before and my thought is 'If she spent the same time looking for a job as she does on this corner she might not be homeless.' Sounds harsh doesn't it? I've passed her by time after time never looking her in the eye.

At the stop light that seemed forever long I rolled down my window and gave her a $20. I ask her name and tell her I've passed her by many times- but no more. I look her in the eye and tell her I will pray. She believes in me and I in her. All by the look in the eye. I tell you this not to boast "oh look what I did." I tell you this because of a heart changed. This is what I saw....Jesus. It was him standing there looking for help. How many times has he watched me pass him by? My heart aches at the thought.

Time and time again I lose my way. I never understand how I get to this point but I ALWAYS get to this point. That place where you wonder where you're at. You do so good for awhile but sooner or later it all falls apart. That's where I was when I started this challenge. God...awake my soul. My soul felt dead. I have since figured out why. Because I failed to pray. No communication with God equals separation from God. Separation from God equals lonely.


I eventually gave up on prayer because praying is hard. It is not for the weak.

I was looking for joy. And I've learned that the JOY is in the journey. The journey lasts a lifetime and that lifetime can be all you want it to be. You just have to ask.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7: 7-8.

Why do I believe this? Why should you believe me? Because I did it...and He didn't fail me.

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law of the Prophets." Matthew 7: 9-12.

...and that is the answer to my question. "How do I make a difference in this world? How do I change the world?"

The 1st commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, and mind. The 2nd is to love thy neighbor as thy self. And that, is how you change the world. Love your neighbor as yourself.

This journey doesn't stop here. But will continue. Where the next thing is I don't know, but I do know this...this time-this time I'm staying alive. This time I'm staying awake...wide awake for the journey. This time I'm praying my butt off! Why? Because I am anything but weak.

My eyes are open Lord. Show me the way...

So this is how God is keeping my soul alive on day #25.

I feel like I've been through hell and back the last couple of days.

Something was said of me that is untrue, but none the less, very hurtful. I tend to be the kind of person that dwells on things for awhile. I walk down the street and think,"hmmm, I wonder if they heard that and if they believe it?"

Perception is reality, right?

As I was crying myself to sleep the other night I heard God say,"You have already dealt with this issue there is no need to go back there again." I woke up the next morning told my daughter we weren't going to rehash all this again and that we were moving on.

Next day...this 'thing' was taken a bit further. Where the end of this goes I do not know. I will have to be patient.

What I do know is this...I know who I am in Christ. There is no wavering there. I am standing on the rock that is unshakable. No need to worry. No need to rehash. No need to dwell.

I am moving on.

I read something this morning that someone had posted on facebook. One of those perfect timing moments, ya know?

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place...it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life...it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. If you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth." -Rocky Balboa


What Satan intended for evil, God intended for good. And that's how this soul is staying alive today.

End of challenge day #22...AWAKE MY SOUL.

Don't you just love those moments when someone surprises you? Not with the little stuff but with the BIG stuff? You know, the stuff that REALLY matters? The stuff that changes peoples lives. Well, my husband did that today. Can I just say HE'S AWESOME!!! I love that he gets me.

Thank you God for giving me this man. MAN. I love this MAN. I've been with some real doosies in my life...but this guy-he's for real.

Have you all ever listened to K LOVE the radio station? It's the right song at the right time I'm tellin ya. I think around Emporia it might be 99.1. I think. Kansas City it's 97.3. Give it a try, see if you can find it. Keep it dialed there for a few days and see if your life doesn't look just a little bit brighter.

End of challenge day #20...AWAKE MY SOUL.

So this sums it all up right here. This is exactly where I'm at...



Do not say to your neighbor,
"Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow"-
when you now have it with you.

Proverbs 3:28

End of challenge day #17... AWAKE MY SOUL.

I am sure there are many facets to finding the joy I'm looking for. Where to start is a hard thing. Been pondering it for a few days now. I guess the only thing to really do is search it out. To continue to pray God will reveal it to me.

But something in the back of my mind keeps telling me, with my own little journey I've got going on here, that I should start with gratitude. A grateful heart for all things even the small ones that I sometimes take for granted. I am thankful for what I have been given. I just think that maybe I'm supposed to show it more.

I just want that spark to be lit, ya know? That one thing that gives my life purpose. That one thing I and ONLY I was meant to do? The reason God created me just as he did. That one thing that helps me to change the world...even if it's just a piece of the small world I live in. I'll try anything Lord. ANYTHING to fulfill my purpose.

A grateful heart comes first.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire.

Hebrews 12:28

End of challenge day #14...AWAKE MY SOUL.

Okay, so it's not actually the end of the day but when something hits you in the face it hits you in the face. Does it ever happen to you...those times when you keep hearing something over and over again? Or you read the same word on a sign or in a song? And it finally, after a few days or weeks, makes your ears perk up and you start to wonder what is it that God is trying to say?



Well, this afternoon I figured it out. I think.



JOY. One small three letter word. Who ever knew it could mean so much? I think that is what my soul has been missing. Not the kind of joy where you put a fake smile on and pretend that life is grand- but the kind that is way down deep in the gut. The joy that bubbles out and over and makes you want to let your light shine kind of joy. Oh, YES do I want that. Been missing for far too long. I actually am not sure if I ever had it to begin with.



The joy some experience with the everyday things in life. The ordinary or what I might call mundane or boring. I wonder how you get that kind of joy. I'm hoping God will show me soon because I want to FULLY live this one life I have been given.

End of challenge day #11...AWAKE MY SOUL.

So challenge day #11 has been fabulous. :)

I know it's late or early (me writting this) depending on how you look at it. But, isn't that true to life in itself. "It's in the eye of the beholder?"

We had baseball today(go figure) about an hour away from the house. We stopped to get me some coffee which I went into Quick Trip to get. Kyle gave me a 20 dollar bill to pay and I got a 10, a 5, and some change back. When I got in the car I set the change in the console.

We had gotten about 20 minutes out of town when we realized that Justin's baseball equipment wasn't in the car. Can I just say "duh" here please! So we headed back towards home. You can imagine the tension in the vehicle since we were now going to be running late. We get back into town and are stopped at a light where there are people collecting money for something or other. I grab the 5 dollar bill from the console and tell Kyle to give it to them. He looks at me and says, " Five bucks...really?" I said "yip" and gave him a great big smile. Apparently he should just be thankful I didn't grab the 10 dollar bill that was sitting there. :)

Kyle, being the great man he is rolled down his window and gave them the 5 bucks. In return they gave us 2 big tootsie roll pops which the boys enjoyed!

The mood in the car changed straight up. It didn't matter that we were now running late anymore. And can I just say that we ended up being right on time for warm ups for the game.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this. Even when things seem bad, your in a bad mood or whatever- give, give till it might hurt. It will change your attitude. The anger is replaced with thankfulness. Your soul is freed up to be happy. :)

We ended up losing both games. One of them we lost BIG. But who cares...life isn't about baseball.

End of challenge day #8...AWAKE MY SOUL.

Today I went for a country drive after dropping Cooper off at preschool. There's just something about driving down an old dirt road, know what I mean? Windows down, music up, and the nostrils filling with the pungent scent of hay. I love it! I love what it does to my soul. Feels like it's opened up wide.


So here is the barn I came across- that I took a photo of- while I went for a ride- on an old dirt road- that had my soul singing this...

End of challenge day #7...AWAKE MY SOUL.

Aren't friends just AWESOME. They can help get you through anything...

There's a blog I read everyday and have for years now. Tammy, who writes it, has been through alot in her life. She lost a daughter to SIDS and then recently lost a son to brain cancer. While trying to hold it all together even while grieving, she posted that she can't cook and that really bothers her. What a couple of her friends did for her is why I am posting this tonight. I am amazed at the power of friends. They can lift up a hurting soul just when it's needed. Before you read it I wanted to challenge you, myself included, to do something in the next week or two for a friend. Something spectacular. Something they would never dream would happen to them. Let them know how special they are to you. I bet you their soul could use the lift!

http://tammynischan.blogspot.com/2010/10/send-in-clowns.html

End of challenge day #4...AWAKE MY SOUL

The other day I was sitting with a friend who had just moved into our neighborhood. She was talking about how much she loved it here and all I said was, "I like the neighborhood but I hate my house." My heart was almost instantly convicted. I should appreciate all that I have.

This house is much different than most we've lived in. Usually we buy ranch style homes but this is a tri-level and it takes forever to clean. Truth be told, I have a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table, and a great family. Why should I gripe about my house just because it is different. It is actually beautiful. And being thankful for what you have...well, that's always good for the soul.

Lord, thank you for my home. I will never gripe about it again.

End of challenge day #3...AWAKE MY SOUL

So today I had a piano delivered to the house. It's been passed down through the family and I'm honored to have it grace my home. I have never played a lick of piano in my life. But, trying new things is good for the soul, right?

End of challenge day #2

I got to hold a baby today. He felt so good and smelled so sweet. A little peace of heaven.

Met a friend at the park and we watched all our boys play together. The breeze was cool and the sun felt good on my face.

We watched them play in the creek. Her little guy went in with his shoes on first and I'm not sure why but I didn't think Coop would go in with shoes on. And he did. My first inclination was to holler at him but then I said,"screw it."

We watched our boys being boys and it was fantastic. It was like a big deep breathe of fresh air. A stirring of the soul. A reminder that things aren't always hard.

End of challenge day #1

I started writing this challenge three different times before I finally decided to post it on facebook. Why? Well, because I like to be comfortable. You see, putting this out there for all of you to see means I am vulnerable. Some of you may think I'm nuts while others may think I'm just me.

I have a wide variety of friends. Some are Christians, some don't care, and some are atheists. Do you see why I might fear? What might people think of me? Truth be told, at this point, I no longer care.

My life has seemed mundane for far too long. I think it is time to live a less comfortable life.
So I ask God," What's the most important thing I can do with my life? How should I REALLY live?"

So I guess that's what God has given me on this first day of the challenge...a hope...a stirring of the soul. That my life truly does matter and it's possible that I could change the world. And I'm going to believe just that as I fall asleep tonight.

THE CHALLENGE: Awake My Soul

So if you are here I take it you've had that 200 pound backpack digging into your shoulders?

Well, the last year of my life has taken its toll. I feel tired and edgy like my soul has been in slumber for a very long time. A friend of mine had posted a song on facebook...



while watching it dawned on me how sleepy and heavy my soul has been. Almost as if I've just been going through the motions of being alive but am not really alive.


My comment to her about the video was the challenge of waking every morning for the next 30 days and asking God to awake my soul. I told her I knew my God well enough to know that He would be taking me on an adventure and that is just what I needed. How about you?

Starting today and for the next 30 days I am asking God to awake my soul. I am hoping to share something everyday here about how God is doing just that. I'll leave a link on FB for you. If you would like to join the challenge just leave a comment at the end of these posts about the way you're coming alive. I'm sure there will be some small things and some big. Anyway, I would love to hear from you.

In the words of my friend Leslie," Here's to new adventures and being awake...WIDE awake!"

If there is a real woman-even the trace of one-still there inside the grumbling, it can be brought to life again. If there's one wee spark under all those ashes, we'll blow it till the whole pile is red and clear. - C.S. Lewis

Growing Old

How hard it must be to grow old. I am somewhat sad today as my mother helps my grandma go through her things. She is moving into an assisted living facility where there is no room for decades of memories. I imagine, as she sits in her chair in front of her dresser, that she too is sad.

How fondly she looks at that necklace, so fragile and beautiful. Or the lamp that sits atop that she bought 30 years ago when she traveled with a loved one. And that bottle of perfume that will always remind me of the way she smells. The beautiful crochet doily her grandmother made. What about the pictures of family all over her house that have to be packed and given away. I wonder if she looks at each one and remembers.

I would love to hear the stories behind them all, and I bet she's looking at those pictures thinking... 'what a great life I've had'.

There is one thing that consoles my heart today. I am certain that my grandmother will spend eternity in heaven when God calls her home. And when that day comes she will take nothing with her but her soul.



I LOVE YOU!

Please pray!!!

If you go a couple posts back and click on the picture you'll be able to get an update on Stellan. Please pray for him and spread the word if you can. Things aren't looking good for this precious baby.


Please Lord, don't take this baby from his Mama.

Pray

Please!!!! Click the picture below and pray for this beautiful baby boy.

Choice of Words

We put away all our Christmas things this past weekend. After a couple of days my son walked into the room where we had the Christmas tree and said,"It's so lonely in here." I said,"Yeah...empty, huh?"

As I sat there for a while longer my thoughts returned to his choice of words. LONELY?...because the Christmas tree is gone? I am fascinated by the feeling he had when walking into the room. Most people just say,"It looks empty".

The two words are synonyms for each other. They mean pretty much the same thing so I'm not sure why I keep thinking about what he said.

Just goes to show you how differently kids look at things.

Please pray for our young girls

My daughter hasn't heard from her biological father in 5 months now. It's not the first time this has happened and I'm sure it won't be the last. I do thank God everyday for my husband. He has been in our lives since Dallas was one and a half years old, so she doesn't remember a day without him. But I wonder what she really feels inside. Sometimes she shares with me and other times she says nothing. Please pray for her.

How painful it must be for all the young girls who face the same situation. I can't help but feel it has to affect their self esteem. I only hope that my husband being in our lives for so long has helped with that. I hope she notices him kissing me and telling me how beautiful I am. I hope it will help her to know how a man is really supposed to treat a woman. I hope that detours her from bad decisions later in life. I hope she knows she is worthy of all good things.

Then there is the teenager who emails me. She is cutting herself and the last time she did, it took a long time to stop bleeding. The kids at her school tell her she should just kill herself. I try my hardest to convince her to get help. I have sent links to websites and hot line numbers for her. But, there is only so much I can do. So I pray for her. Would you pray for her too? She says she is always alone and that her parents could care less about her. I hope she will be okay. My heart aches for her. I hope she knows she is worthy of all good things.

Any young girl out there reading this...please know you are not alone. EVER. God is beside you whispering in your ear, "I love you."

If you need to talk, email me at kcnace@kc.rr.com You can rise above the past. Trust me- because I know.

Growing up too soon

My 7th grade daughter came home from school on the 3rd day with some very disturbing information. Someone her and her best friend talk with at school is doing some crazy things with her boyfriend in his home in the evening. I won't go into details as I'm sure you all can use your imagination. I have heard this girls name before but have never met her. I don't know the circumstances of her life, her living situation, or if her family is even home to keep tabs on her.

As my daughter gets older I am starting to believe the saying "it takes a village to raise a child." I can't help but think if it was my girl doing these things, someone better tell me before it's too late. But, I don't even know these people so what am I supposed to do?

She also tells me about a goth chic that she sits next to in one of her classes. She cuts herself. She says it's how she controls her anger. My daughter, Dallas for those of you who don't know her name, told this girl she was praying for her. The girl confided in Dallas and said she does believe in God but can't stop cutting herself.

Who knew they would have to grow up at such a young age?

Dallas and her best friend have decided not to be friends with the girl who's doing crazy things with her boyfriend. Thank you God, what a grown up decision they've made.

I have told Dallas I don't want her hanging out with the goth chic who is cutting herself but to keep letting her know that she is praying for her.

I am scared because I know there is a very fine line here. A line between doing what is right and going down a path that is hard to return from.

I am scared because there isn't much I can do to stop the world from crashing in on her.

I'm scared because I've buried my head in the sand long enough.

These kids are dealing with things we never dreamed of at this age.



I think of you Dallas, every time I hear this song. I am so proud of you. And Dallas, I love you very much and I am so thankful that you talk with me. I am always here and I will never stop praying for you!
--Love, Mom